


Be Right Back

by An_R



Category: Black Mirror, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Creepy Snoke (Star Wars), Fluff and Angst, Kylo Ren Needs a Hug, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-28
Updated: 2018-04-03
Packaged: 2019-02-22 22:19:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 16,741
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13176375
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/An_R/pseuds/An_R
Summary: This is a Black Mirror AU, based on the season 2 episode Be Right Back (it's great, go watch it).If you haven't watched it, here's a little summary taken from IMDB: "After losing her husband (played by Domhnall Gleeson) in a car crash, a grieving woman uses a computer software that allows you to "talk" to the deceased".No need to say who is going to take the place of the grieving widow here.Thank you to Eastmava for betaing this story for me.  You're the best :)





	1. Chapter 1

Rey drives her car slowly and carefully along the highway, in the same way she would if she had a newborn baby riding in the backseat. There is no need to rush the journey and her passenger, although not a newborn, has just been discharged from hospital and is so quiet that, if Rey didn't know him better, she'd say he was napping in the passenger seat. This is the third time Rey has taken Kylo home from hospital in two months. If nothing changes, she knows it won't be the last.

"Kylo, we need to talk."

He doesn't respond. His arms remain lifelessly on his lap, his head tilted towards the car window, so that she can't see his face behind the curtain of tousled black hair. The hospital identification band is still attached to his left wrist. It says: Ren, 29, acute alcohol poisoning.

"I know you're awake." Rey insists, as if there was the slightest chance he'd acknowledge her. "You can't go on like this. It's been six months." 

The weirdest thing is that talking about Hux isn't easy for her either. How can she expect Kylo to be better if no one around him is? She takes a deep, almost painful breath. "You know I love you like a brother, don't you?" she asks, although she expects no answer from him.

The statement is true. Rey and Kylo aren't blood related, but they are the closest thing to siblings each other has since the time they still lived in Kyber Crystal Village, a religious community where Rey was born and Kylo, or Ben as he was called at the time, was raised from a very young age. Rey had loved that place, despite everything bad that happened to them there. Kylo not so much.

Sometimes, she can't help going back to that fatidic day both their lives fell apart, for quite different reasons. She was only five years old, but she still remembers how unbearably cold the air felt after sunset, while she uselessly waited for her parents to come back home from work. Moreover, she never forgot the way Master Snoke's lips twitched in undisguised contempt when he explained to her that they had fled the village leaving her behind, but that her unfortunate situation was of little consequence in the face of the tragic accident that took Ben's father life on that same day. Weak-willed, unfaithful people, give up their beliefs and even their own children all the time, Snoke told her. She was lucky they would take care of her in their absence. She was actually better without them, he emphasized. 

Ben was fifteen years old then. Despite the ten years age gap between her and Ben, they became something alike in the eyes of the little spiritual community founded by Master Luke, Ben's uncle. Both were born from non-believers, both faced loss in the same day. No one had the slightest idea why Rey's parents took the family dog but left their little girl behind. No one really believed that troubled Ben hadn't shot his father on purpose.

"We're almost there," announces Rey. "I hope you like the little surprise me and Phas left for you." She tries to smile, but she can't. Kylo is so quiet. Maybe he's really sleeping. She tries to concentrate on the road.

The next year after her abandonment passed quickly. Master Snoke gave her to his assistant, a swollen-looking middle-aged man named Unkar, whose wife seemed determined to make a housemaid out of her. Rey's real home, however, became the afternoons she spent with Ben in the woods, not far from the village. Most of teenage boys would never tolerate a child-stalker for long, but Ben was too estranged from the community to reject company. That's how their unlikely friendship began.

"We're home," she says, when she finds a parking spot near Kylo's building. In this part of the city, sometimes parking takes more time then the driving itself. Rey never thought she would go back there again after Kylo and Hux moved to a big old house in the country. 

It takes only a soft touch on Kylo's shoulder to get him moving. It's like he became a doll, one of those impressive humanoid automations they started to sell in sex shops a couple of years ago. So creepy.

The twelve-floor building has no elevator. Rey tells herself that she has just delayed the talk while silently following Kylo upstairs. The place hasn't change a bit since Kylo moved out. Neighbors shout, boisterous children play in the corridors, teenagers pretend to look cool. Even the faint smell of synthetic marijuana is the same. It's strange to remember there was a time when she was happy that Kylo lived here.

Kylo stops by the door of apartment number 1203 and only then she realizes that she's the one who's got the keys. Of course. "Sorry." She opens the door. A ginger cat rushes towards them, but before she can come near, Kylo pulls up his right leg displaying such rejection that the cat stops and hisses at him, before disappearing towards the bedroom.

"What are you doing?" Rey shouts. "Poor Millie, come here, sweetie..." She turns to Kylo. "What's wrong with you? She misses you. I thought you'd like to have her around again."

"She was his cat, not mine."

"Good to know you still have a voice. Kylo, we need to talk..."

"Take her away, Rey. I can't have her here." He lets his body drop onto the couch. "Thanks for the ride, but I want to be alone now."

"So that you can drink until you pass out?"

He glances at her and, for the first time that day, the light and the angle are good enough for her to take a good look at the scar that now bisects his face, crossing his right cheek.

"As I said, we need to talk. It's been six months." She swallows hard. She feels like a monster for bringing up mundane issues, but there's no way to postpone things anymore. "Your house, for instance. The house you and Hux bought and were renovating together. If you do nothing, Hux's father will have it and will sell it to the first buyer he can find. All Hux's stuff is in there, even the book he was writing. Is that what you want?"

"The house is in his name and we are not married. I have no claim."

"That's not true. You put your money and your effort in there too, and we can prove it."

"I'm married to someone else."

"No, Kylo, you're not! You left him six years ago. It was when you moved in here, remember?"

"I don't want to talk about it, Rey. I know you're worried, but I just want to sleep. Please, take the cat away."

"Her name is Millie. Hux gave her that name." She sighs. There's no point arguing with him. The doctors said he needed to get over it, to seek solace somewhere, religion maybe. As if he has not had enough religion in his life. "Okay, I'm leaving. But I'm not taking Millie. She's your responsibility now, like it or not." Luckily, Phasma had insisted on getting an automatic cat feeder and a self cleaning litter box, so there was no danger on leaving her with Kylo for a few days.

Kylo looks like he wants to bite back, but he falls silent, lowers his head over his knees, defeated. Truth is, there no fight in him anymore. Rey is only nineteen; she has never fallen in love. How can she measure his pain? How can she tell him when he's supposed to feel okay, go back to normal? Kylo never had a normal life to begin with.

She sits beside him. "I'm sorry," she tells him as she passes her arm over his back. "I didn’t mean to yell. It’s just that I hate to see you like this.”

They stay like that for a while, like in the old times, when they only had each other for support. Before Snoke came in and took the boy named Ben away to a faraway place he never came back. She considers asking him about the divorce. She hopes Kylo doesn't back down on this too.

Ben's marriage to Master Snoke when he just turned eighteen years old had been the last blow the reputation of Kyber Crystal Village could take. No spiritual community survives a sex scandal involving minors. All the people that lived there were eventually compelled to sell their land to the local mining company and leave. Master Luke exiled himself in shame. The cult of the Force died soon after. 

At least the ties between Snoke and Unkar were strong enough so that they didn't go separate ways. Ben changed his name, but not his heart regarding Rey. Nothing was the same, but they remained part of each other’s lives.

“I miss him too, you know.” Rey confesses, laying her head on Kylo's shoulder. "The chocolate pancakes he made, especially." The way he made you happy, she means to say, but she doesn't dare. She hears a sob and she knows that all that's left is to hold him while he cries himself to sleep.

It's almost ten at night when Phasma texts her. 

I'm downstairs. 

There's isn't much more to be done. They had done a great job cleaning the place the day before. The refrigerator is full. Kylo is sound asleep on the couch, under a brand new blanket. Millie naps by the bedroom door.

"Bye, Millie." She squats to pet the cat, who stares back at her with pleading eyes. "Take good care of him, will you?" She closes the door, but her heart is still heavy.

Phasma waits for her by the car in her leather jacket and tight jeans. She used to be Hux's best friend and his partner when he still worked on the local Police Force. They were so close that she almost presented her resignation with him, two years ago, when Hux's father made him quit his job for moving in together with another man. The son of a bitch.

"How is he?" She asks, like she needs to. Rey's tired face says everything. They enter the car. "How long will he go on like this? Hux was a brother to me and there isn't a single day I don't remember him and wish he was here with us, but people have to move on."

"Please, Phas..."

"Have you talked to him about the house?"

"Yes, he doesn't care."

"He will let that son of a bitch take everything that belonged to them? Rey, I'm sorry, but this is totally unacceptable."

"I can't make him fight for a house, if he's not willing to fight for himself."

"If he's going to commit suicide, he should at least do it quickly instead of dragging you along in his misery..."

Rey brakes the car so hard that people on the street stop to stare. 

"Don't you ever say thay again!"

"I know. I'm sorry! I didn't mean it. Seeing you like this is hard on me too." She sighs. "Please, darling, forgive me."

Rey starts the car again. 

"What do I know anyway? It's probably better this way. Hux kept his gun in that house."

"He what?"

"He just couldn't give it away, ok? He promised me Kylo would never find it."

"Thanks, Phas, for proving to me that Hux wasn't smart all the time."

That was not only stupid but potentially harmful. After Han Solo's accident, Kylo was deemed as unfit to have a gun. 

"It's hard to let go of things, I suppose. He loved being a cop."

"Great. Any other surprises I should know about?"

"Yeah... Actually, the guys showed me something at the station today. I thought it was stupid at first, but... It's kind of a online service for mourning people. Legit, I checked it myself. The name is BRB, Be Right Back."

"Oh, shit, Phas..."

"I know it sounds creepy. Look, I was being a dumbass a minute ago, but you have to face it, darling. If nothing happens, Kylo will drink himself to death. I'm a cop, I see that happen all the time."

Rey stops the car again, not so abruptly this time.

"I won't tell him to go chat with some app that mimics Hux. That is out of the question."

"It's your call, darling. Just think about it, okay?"

The car is set in motion again. 

"He will overcome this, you'll see. He's stronger than you think."

"I'm sure he is, darling."


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Before finding a future, it's important to know the past.

“Good morning sunshine.”

Kylo knows that voice from the day before and the Irish accent is unmistakable. He should be annoyed by the sound of it, but instead, he just pulls his body up and sits on the bench. His back hurts, as expected. Prision benches are supposed to be as uncomfortable as possible and it’s not the first time he's spend the night in this place. 

The redhead officer doesn’t look well-rested either. Kylo assumes the new guy’s some kind of workaholic paladin, like those good-looking cops from TV shows. The blond chick that almost broke him arm while dragging him through the station the night before is also there. She must be the tallest woman Kylo has ever seen. She reminds him of Rey, in some weird way. 

“So silent today,” the male officer says. “Cat got your tongue?”

“Fuck you.”

Kylo's right hand hurts too, badly, so he shoves both of them in his jacket pockets. He now remembers he hit someone the night before. Again. Or something like that.

“Am I getting my phone call or what?”

“So that you can call that kid here again? I don’t think so. Such a strange choice for a married man.” The officer grabs what looks like a smartphone or small tablet, takes a quick look at it. “I’ve pulled your file. Very interesting. So, not curious to know what happened to the poor soul you beat the shit out of yesterday?” 

Although there’s no hint of irony in the officer’s tone, Kylo shallows hard. People who were close to him always thought he’d kill someone in cold blood one day. Most of them believed he had already done that, actually. Fear leads to anger; anger leads to pain, as his uncle used to preach. There’s no way someone as angry as him would escape this fate much longer.

“Is he dead?” Kylo hopes he doesn't sound too affected. Dead or alive, that bastard doesn’t deserve it.

The officer exchanges a glace with his partner and suddenly it’s like all that was left of cop’s scorn disappears from his very green eyes. “No. In fact, we paid him a visit at the hospital. The doctor said he blanked out from substance abuse, regardless of the punches you delivered to his already scruffy-looking face. He’s awake now, mildly sedated, talkative and too sincere for his own good. Said you’re, his words, the strongest fag he even picked a fight with. Of course, his statement was more than enough to close the case.” He opened the cell. “You’re free to go, unless you want to press charges against him. Then, you'll have to come with me.”

“Why would I want to do that?” Kylo is about to pass by him, but the officer gently steps in his way. There’s a faint smell of tobacco lingering on him. Kind of sexy, Kylo has to admit. “Now what?”

“Why didn’t you say he attacked you first? It would've saved us all lots of trouble, don’t you think?”

“Like you and your oversized bodyguard would give a shit.”

The blond woman frowns, but it doesn't take more than another glance from his partner for her to leave them alone in the detention area. 

“She didn't mean to hurt your arm. You understand she just went a little over the top yesterday, don't you?" 

"My arm is fine. I... I just don't like to be manhandled by people larger than me. Not used to it, I guess."

The redhead doesn't move. "Please, Ren, reconsider. I've only been here for a few months, but I'm already tired of seeing homophobic scum walk."

"I bet you are." Now he manages to get past him. Almost.

"Wait." Hux seems glad that he stopped. "Your hand. I saw that man's face, you know. May I take a look? Please.

Kylo only wants to leave, but he shows the damaged hand to him. The officer's exam is attentive and incredibly warm, even though his fingers are a little cold. It's like his hands belonged somewhere else, anywhere but a police station.

"I think it's okay, but you should see a doctor, just in case. If you go home instead, as I believe you'll do, at least put some ice on it."

"Are you some kind of nurse?"

"No, but I've broken my hand twice."

"This thing you said about homophobic scum. You know there's no use, don't you? Not with Commissioner Hux in charge."

"Why do you say that?"

"I know people who tried before. They say he hates gay people. You'll know when you meet him." 

"I've already met him. He's my father."

Kylo shoves his hands on his pockets again, hoping his face didn't go pale, or worse, red.

"I'm Detective Armitage Hux, by the way," he adds, with a discreet smile. "Don't be alarmed. I won't hold it against you. I know what my father is like." He steps aside, giving the former prisoner full passage. "Take care of your hand and stay out of trouble."

Kylo tries not to look back, but before reaching the next corridor, his eyes search for the redhead officer. He is looking right back at him. Kylo's heart starts to beat so fast that he considers doing what the man said and going to see a doctor.

*-*-*-*

He wakes up with a fast beating heart and the feeling of something small and soft poking his leg. His surroundings are well known at least; he's at home and everything seems clean and nice. There's a blanket over his body and the poking comes from the paws of an orange cat, who stares at him from its place on the top of the couch's arm.

"Get lost.” He kicks the spot below and the animal runs, scared. “It's your fault!"

He still doesn't believe Rey had the nerve to leave the cat with him; he can barely look at it. His chest tightens, he feels out of breath. Hux loved that thing. And Kylo is the only one to be blamed for that.

*-*-*-*

"Are you insane?" 

"It's just a small cat. You said you wanted one." 

Hux is never angry, but when he does get angry, he takes anger very seriously. That's something Kylo has learned about him in the last few months, especially after moving in together.

"It's not just a cat, Kylo. Look at you! You're doing it again, getting in trouble for nothing. I specifically asked you to go to the city market and buy the rest of the stuff we need, not to rescue animals from brutes that could have sent you to the hospital. We're new here, for Christ sake."

"It was not like that. Those guys were morons, I scared them off easily."

"Easily? Where's your shirt?"

He almost forgot he came home half naked. Hux and his cop mindset, of course he imagined the worst possible explanation for it. 

"I didn't hide it because it had blood on it or anything; I took it off and used it to hold Millie."

"Millie? Who's Millie?"

"You said you liked that name for a cat the other day, I just--"

"You know what? You're a moron! Take the fucking cat away."

"It's very strange that I'm telling you this and not the other way around, but you're overreacting now."

"I asked you to behave, Kylo. I begged you to. This is our first week in the house and people already hate us."

"People don't hate us. What's wrong with you?"

He knows what's wrong, of course. Hux's been through serious shit since he told his father he was going to live with his boyfriend and marry him. Hux Sr. did all he could to keep his precious perfect son in the closet, from emotional blackmail to open threats. In the end, Hux had to hand over his badge and quit the job he loved and not even that granted him peace. Two days ago the son of a bitch resumed his attacks and Hux's distress is painfuly palpable. Sometimes, Kylo wonders how much more he can endure. Most of times he can't help feeling guilty for it.

Kylo bites his lower lip, hard. He promised himself he wouldn't be the one who breaks their deal. Hux's father and Snoke are off limit topics. Hux, in contrast, begins pacing around. As an anger expert himself, Kylo knows he's this close to exploding.

"People don't hate us, Hux," Kylo repeats, emphasizing every syllable. 

"You know shit about the real world, Kylo! You lived your whole life like a hippie, then you married your sugar daddy, who still gives you money. You don't know how normal people really are!"

"Not everybody is like your father."

"Don't you talk about my father! You know nothing about him!" Hux's shouts are so loud this time that Kylo's hands instinctively clench into fists. 

They remain silent for the following minute. Hux is breathless, his face almost the same color of his hair. There’s no more for them to say that isn't going to hurt.

"I'm taking the cat back,” Kylo says, in a driest way possible, turning to the door. “We’d do her no good anyway." He picks up the tiny cat wrapped in a white t-shirt. "And I was no fucking hippie." He closes the door behind him, eager to be able to breathe again. 

He returns home several hours later. It's raining like hell, too cold for a summer night and he's glad his jacket was on the backseat of the old truck he bought before moving. He's barely inside, carrying five huge market packs at the same time, when Hux appears before him, pale as a sheet of paper and with eyes so red, that the usual green of his pupils look pale blue. He looks like shit.

"It's almost ten." He not only looks like shit, but sounds hoarse and tired. "I was worried. It's so dark outside and it's raining and that old truck of yours--"

"I bought your stuff."

"Oh-- thanks. I-- You're soaking wet. I'll make you some tea."

"The manager wasn't pissed."

"Which-- which manager?"

"The market manager. I apologized to him for the mess outside his place. He and his wife have two cats and three dogs, so he said it's cool. Gave us a beer pack for free."

"He kept the cat. Oh my god, Kylo, please tell me he kept the cat. I can't believe I told you to take her back, I was out of my mind. That poor thing, in this rain..."

"She'll be okay. I think."

Hux loses the rest of his fortitude and throw his arms around Kylo's broad shoulders. "I'm sorry." He tightens his grip, brushes Kylo's wet hair with his fingers, as if it would be enough to get it dry. "I'm sorry," he repeats. "I didn't mean to say those things."

Kylo embraces him back, but not as tight. 

"Hux--"

A tiny alien sound comes from the inside of Kylo's jacket. Hux pulls away from the hug.

"The manager will help find her a home, but she needs a place to stay for a few days." The small head of an orange cat emerges from the inside of the jacket. "I bought baby cat food, she won't--" Hux kisses him, holds his jaw with both his hands and kisses him until both are out of breath.

"I love you, Kylo. Falling for you was the best thing that ever happened to me and I won't let anyone tell me otherwise ever again. This is our home. For the three of us."

*-*-*-*

He answers Rey's message saying he's okay, but his stomach disagrees. He has tried vomiting, anything to force the nausea away, but his body isn't his own to command anymore. Everything aches. His hands shake. Breathing is hard. It's been six months. All his wounds are healed, his side, his shoulder, even the cut on his face. All but one.

He stares at himself in the bathroom mirror, realizing that Rey changed the one he shattered for a brand new one. There's one pinkish scar on his face now, or two if you take into account that half of it goes from the hairline to his brow and the other half crosses his right cheek, starting below the eye. His face, which was already far from symmetric, has been turned to some Frankenstein patchwork and he wonders if Hux would still find him attractive. Then he remembers that, had things been different, Hux would have deep scars of his own too. Scars Kylo would kiss and worship every single day, no matter the changes they inflicted upon his soft freckled skin. 

Scars, no scars, whatever. He just wants his Hux back. 

*-*-*-*

"It's too cold, Kylo. Millie needs a heated bed. And since we are here, a new scratching post too. I’m sorry I had to drag you along, but you’re the only one who knows how to drive your hundred-year old truck." 

"I'm cold too and you made me leave home to buy cat stuff that’s not even food."

"I know." Hux offers him a sappy smile. "I spoil her too much, but I spoil you too, love. Don’t forget that."

They enter the market and soon Kylo's mood improves. It's warm inside and almost deserted. 

"I should make you wear that for me," says Kylo holding a Little Mermaid bustier top he finds while passing through the party supply section. "You've already got the right hair." This is more true now that Hux's hair is no longer cop-regulation short.

"Put it back, silly." 

"No, you'll look so hot in it."

"It's probably my fault. I shouldn't encourage you to watch movies you should have watched as a kid." 

“Look, there’s a starfish clip to go with it.” He puts it in Hux’s hair. "See? Perfect." 

“Okay.” Hux grabs a red ribbon from the shelf and tucks it in Kylo’s hair. “If I’m Ariel, you’re Snow White.” 

"She's lame. How can you be the little cuttie of the sea and I'm some bitch's maid?"

"They are both princesses, you know?" He comes close to Kylo and whispers in his ear "We can have a royal wedding."

Kylo smiles, puts an arm around his shoulders and replies in the same almost inaudible tone. "Only if you take that top."

"No way!" Hux gives him a little push. "Are you serious?" He's barely holding his laughter.

"Why not?"

"It's made for a little girl."

"I'm sure it will fit you."

"You know what? No more cartoons for you. No wonder they--" Hux face suddenly goes rigid. Kylo turns around but see no one. "What?"

"Nothing, silly." He takes the ribbon from Kylo's hair, then the starfish clip and puts them back on the shelf. "Let's get Millie her new bed and go home." 

It's not that Kylo doesn't get the feeling that something is off. He just doesn't feel like pressing Hux for being evasive if nothing actually looks wrong. They find the cat bed Hux wants, Kylo grabs some snacks, candies. For once, Hux is silent about his poor eating choices. They pay and leave.

Kylo has already placed the bags in the back of the truck when they hear hostile voices, coming from God knows where; it's too dark to tell. Hux tries to rush him into the vehicle, but Kylo hesitates and they find themselves surrounded by three men, one of which Kylo recognizes as one of the morons that had their asses kicked for throwing a helpless kitten recklessly in the air, almost two years ago. He says one or two very nasty things Kylo heroically resists responding to with violence before pointing his finger to Hux and asking if the mermaid is available for some fun. The next thing that happens is Kylo's fist being shoved into his face.

Luckily or not, the other two guys are only there for moral support. It's Hux who has to get Kylo off the man before he beats his face to pulp. The moron's friends take him away, apologetically, glad that that skinny redhead has the physical strength and the guts to stop his boyfriend's murderous rampage. 

When Kylo comes back to his senses, the first thing that comes to his mind is that Hux must be so very mad at him for his lack of self-control, Hux, however, is holding a piece of cloth against the side of his face while saying things like breathe, calm down, come back to me. He doesn't let Kylo say he's sorry. He just takes the car keys from Kylo's jacket and tells him they will soon be home.

The way Hux brushes a lock of Kylo's hair away from his face before starting the car engine is the last thing Kylo remembers of that night.

Later, people tell Kylo it happened very fast. Some animal crossed the road, there was nothing Hux could have done to avoid the crash, not in a vehicle devoid of any basic modern technology. He didn't suffer, some add. And there is nothing left for Kylo to do other than suffer for them both. 

*-*-*-*

Rey messages him again and for the fifth time that day, he tells her he's fine. There are other lies too, that he ate, that he rested, that he took his medicine. He doesn't care enough to try to make it look convincing anymore. For the first time, she asks about the cat. When he doesn't answer, she sends him another message. 

_Go check your e-mail. There's something I want you to see. Please._

_Ok._

_Delete it if you don't like it._

_Sorry, Kylo. It was Phas' idea. Just delete it, ok? Luv ya._

There are 1052 new unread messages in the inbox of the e-mail account he almost never uses. It was Hux who did all the online stuff for them. He searches for Rey and finds no messages. When he is about to close the laptop, a name at the bottom line of the senders list catches his attention. The name is Armitage Hux. 

His heart starts to beat fast. He opens the message. 

Miss me?  
Click here so that we can talk again.  
A. Hux 

Below, in small letters. This is a service provided by First Order Co. Use with discretion. 

Kylo closes the laptop and stands up, starts to pace around the room. He cannot breathe. Rey has just sent him some stupid chat app that fakes dead people's responses. Rey, of all people. He grabs his phone and types her a message.

_Fuck you_

Then he storms out of the apartment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for those who left comments and kudos. :)


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More past, more present. And Millie's story, 'cause she's the best. :)

There are twenty-five text messages from Rey on Kylo's phone and just as many missed calls, but it's not resentment that's keeping him from letting her know he's still alive. He just can't keep his right eye focused long enough on the screen to text or call her back and his left eye is rendered useless under a swollen eyelid.

As usual, he has trouble remembering the previous night. There was a bar, lots of booze and a fight. That's all he knows. 

The phone rings again. This time he manages to find the right spot to pick the call.

_Kylo? Oh my god, are you okay?_

_Yeh... I'm fine._

_I'm sorry, I didn't mean to send you that shit, I was--_

_It's okay._

_Can I come over?_

_Go live your live, Rey. I don't need you to babysit me._

_Please, Ky. Don't do this. Hux wouldn't want it._

_He's not here, is he?_

_I was thinking. Maybe we should meditate together, like in the old times. When I was waiting for my family and you taught me to search for them in my dreams. Do you remember? It helped me. I know you--_

_I don't do that anymore._

_Not all that we learned in Kyber was bad. Your uncle--_

_Stop trying to fix me._

_It's not like that and you--_

_Bye, Rey._

Time passes in a blur. He throws up in the bathroom, drinks some water, throws up again. His back hurts. There's blood in his piss. At least the cat is nowhere to be seen.

He hears a knock on the door.

"Go away, Rey," he shouts. The last thing he needs is her to find him half naked and covered in sweat, vomit and bruises on his bathroom floor. "I won't open the fucking door. Go home!"

The door is opened from the outside. Kylo isn't surprised that Rey made herself a copy of his keys while he was stuck in the hospital.

The steps, however, are too heavy for a girl.

"Is this how you greet your husband?" Snoke stands by the bathroom door, in his typical gentleman stance. Of course he has the keys of the apartment he pays the rent.

"We're separated." 

"Look at yourself. What a pitiful mess you've become."

Kylo is about to spit something back when he's hit by another wave of nausea. He's not sure if he made it to the toilet on time. What follows is another blur, then darkness. He sees Hux at some point, in beige sweatpants, covered with several spots of bluish paint, one of them on the very tip of his nose. He's back on the day they painted the living room of their house. Such a mess they made. At some point, he picks Hux up in his arms, lays him on the floor, pulls his pants off and palms the nice cheeks of his hot little ass. They fuck right there, on Hux's grandmother's fancy rug. Kylo can feel his skin, his smell and the amazing sensation of being inside him. He hears Hux's voice break in moans of pleasure. He cries too, but Hux's warm body isn't in his arms anymore. He opens his eyes to see an ordinary white ceiling and complies when some hot liquid is shoved down his throat. And he dreams again. 

The paint covering Hux's body is no longer blue, it's red. It's no longer paint, but blood. It covers his hands, although he looks peaceful. Hux smiles at him, whispers something he can't grasp. He seems so young.

The next time he opens his eyes, it's Snoke's lean frame that he sees, sitting by his side on the bed. He didn't change much after they went their separate ways. He's still tall, taller than Kylo actually, pale and well dressed. Skinny, but not like Hux used to be. While Hux was narrow and graceful by nature, Snoke looks like a broad man who starved himself to utter thinness. His blue eyes are still deep and cold; only the huge scars on his bald head and left cheek seem less visible than he remembers. Like the bloody Hux of his dream, he also looks younger.

Before he can move or try to speak, Snoke gives him more of that hot beverage to drink. The taste is far from good, but his headache seems to agree with it. The older man presses a damp and cold piece of cloth against his forehead. That feels nice. Like déjà vu, but nice.

"You lost weight," Snoke tells him after placing the mug of tea on the bedside table. The observation reminds Kylo of how much Hux enjoyed his well-defined muscles. My Adonis, he sometimes called him, when they were fooling around. His chest tightens.

"The cuts on your face healed well, at least," Snoke adds. "You can get hid of that scars if you want. It's amazing what technology can do nowadays."

"You look well too," Kylo says. He tries to sit, but Snoke stops him. 

"Don't. There's an ugly bruise on your back. Don't move just yet. It's all taken care of. If you remember, I'm quite skilled at cleaning up your messes." 

That must be right. Kylo's hair is wet and the foul scent of blood and puke has been replaced by the faint smell of soap. "Rey sent you here?" Kylo asks.

"That little mouse of a girl? No. She still thinks I'm the big bad wolf who took her big bro away. Com'on, your intuition used to be far better than that."

"So why did you come then?"

"There's much for us to talk now that you're on your own again. Don't give me that look. I'm deeply sorry for what happened to that boy; such tragedy to die so young. But life goes on. There's yet so much for me to accomplish and I need you by my side again. I'm not the same. It won't be like it was before."

Kylo feels sick again. He pushes himself up, until his sore back finds the bed's headboard. A bowl is placed on his knees, and this time, he manages to keep the tea or whatever Snoke gave him down.

"We can talk later, of course," says Snoke, taking the empty bowl back. "So unthoughtful of me to bring this up while you're clearly incapacitated." 

"You can't be serious," Kylo finally replies, looking Snoke straight in the eyes. There's no need for later. Incapacitated or not, he knows exactly what to say about Snoke's schemes. 

"On the contrary, my dear, I'm quite serious. You've always known that taking your uncle out of the picture was only the beginning. What we achieved in the village can't go to waste."

"That was not real."

"You're so wrong."

"There were no visions, no force, no anything. Just bullshit and lots of herbs that can get you arrested in the real world." 

"Say what you want, I won't argue with you about it. This time, it will be all different and I want you to come with me." He cups Kylo's unscarred cheek with his bony, almost translucent hand. "I hate to be the one who gets sentimental, but I miss you, my dear. Things can be right between us now."

"Right how?"

"I've told you. It's amazing what modern technology can do."

Kylo wants to say something, but he finds himself speechless. Snoke smiles. He finishes his caress of Kylo's face and holds his chin. "We had a deal," Snoke says, with gravity. "You were the one who changed it. Never forget that."

Kylo remembers, of course. The marriage and all the malicious speculation that followed were meant to destroy his uncle's legacy and nothing more. Snoke and Kylo were master and student, maybe partners in crime, but not lovers, and it was not only the thirty years age gap between them that kept it that way. The accident that disfigured Snoke's face in the past had caused other unpleasant after-effects, as Kylo learned some time later, after they moved together to the city. Those were troubled times, that Kylo wishes he could forget, but Snoke was right, he was the one who tried to make their stage marriage real.

"That was a mistake." _My mistake_ , he almost says instead.

"Of course it was. But as I said, I’ve changed." Snoke stands up. "You don't need to give me an answer now. This is not the first time you've made a wreck of yourself. We both know how it ends." He leaves the bedroom. "I'll be waiting."

Kylo hears the front door close and knows Snoke's gone. For now. Only then he realizes he's all up against the headboard, like a cornered animal. He buries his face between his trembling knees and braces himself for the pain he knows to be coming. He feels so lost.

"Damn you Hux. Why did you come if you were not going to stay?" He asks the walls around him.

_Who said I wasn't?_

It sounds like him. So like him.

Kylo pulls his face up and, as expected, there's no one there. "Oh no..." _Not the voices again._

He blocks his ears with both of his hands and closes his eyes, in an effort to calm his mind and hear no more. There's no Hux, he tells himself. Hux is gone.

He can't breathe. He's losing control again. Snoke is right. They both know how it ends. 

_I hate you, you redheaded son-of-a-bitch. You gave me something I wasn't meant to have, then you left me alone to rot._

Sometime anger helps. He wants to get angry. To feel something that doesn’t hurt inside for once.

There's a soft touch brushing over his hand and he pushes it away with all his strength, in a single but precise slap. The motion is followed by a high-pitched howl, too pained to be ignored. He had hit the cat, who was now spasming in pain by the bedroom door.

The anger breaks as easily as it was built. He can't believe his eyes when he sees what he'd done. It's Millie, Hux's Millie, that he hit and hurt. His following acts are so fast and beyond reasoning that they leave no proper memory, just flashes. The next thing he knows for sure it that he's knocking on the door of the only vet clinic in his neighborhood, praying that someone will open the door instead of calling the cops. 

A tiny woman opens the door. She takes Millie from his unsteady hands and gets her to another room, leaving him alone in the company of a dog that is as furry and big as it is inert. He sits on a chair, unable to stand. His back hurts horribly, but he's glad for the pain because he deserves it. Hux would never forgive him for hurting Millie. Or worse. He might have killed her. He curls his body until his head touches his knees. He doesn't care if this makes breathing harder that it already was.

"You don't look so well yourself," the tiny woman tells him, after a while, when she appears before him again, with her thick glasses and colorful pajamas. 

"Is she dead?" His voice almost cracks on the last word. 

"Dead? No. People never told you cats have seven lives?" When he doesn't react, she goes on. "Calm down, son. She's alive."

Kylo's so grateful he might cry, but he doesn't. He feels dizzy for a moment, until small, yet strong hands hold his shoulders.

"Easy. Your cat is fine."

"She isn't mine. She's my boyfriend's cat." He doesn't know why he tells her that.

"Oh... I understand. And where is he?"

He doesn't need to answer. His tears do that for him. 

"It's okay, son. I'm sorry. What's your name?"

"Be-- Kylo."

"I'm Maz. Listen, Kylo. Millie is alright. You didn't hurt her. However, you must take really good care of her from now on, can you do that?"

He nods. It's probably a lie, but he nods anyway.

"Good, because I need you to tell me if you can't. Millie is carrying kittens. Four of them, according to my scan. She's a little startled now but otherwise she strikes me as a pet that lives in a very safe and loving environment. I trust you to keep her that way."

"She-- She's going to have kittens? How?"

"You don't really need me to explain that, do you?"

"No, but... There were no, I mean--"

"They always find a way, if that's what you're wondering. Your boyfriend should have had her neutered, if he wanted to prevent it."

"He thought about it. Then he changed his mind. Said she would be a great mom one day."

Maz smiles. "She sure will be. I think it's best that she spends the night here, but you can see her now, if you want."

"Me? Oh, no. She must hate me."

"There's only one way to know." She holds his hand with her own small one. The size difference between them is almost comical. "You look like a fighter, you know. Be brave." Her touch reminds him of his mother and the way things felt different before, when they were still on speaking terms. Strange or not, the memory seems to lift some weight from his heart.

He nods and follows her to the other room.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Kylo learns that there are news that must be told, no matter how.

"Hey... You don't have to leave yet." 

Kylo feels a light touch on his wrist. Hux caught it as he turned to go. He's almost out of the bed, but his muscles immediately relax, even though he hasn't properly changed his mind about leaving. He suspects that Hux's funny accent has some kind of power over him.

"You can stay, if you like," the redhead adds, adjusting himself against the bed's headboard.

Maybe Hux's little smile or the way his colorless eyelashes blink under that bright red hair is to blame for his lack of resolve, or maybe it's the sum of all of it; he can't tell for sure. He only knows that he can't resist him. If Hux had told him to pull his pants down the day they first met, right there in station jail, he'd probably have done it. Luckily, the request came only some weeks later, when they ran into one another in a bar.

Now this. 

Kylo takes back his place by Hux's side and his eyes quickly fall on the cat tattoo slightly above Hux's left hip bone. It's a tiny thing, almost childlike, not like the full canvas most of the customers of the shop he works at proudly bare to the world. 

"You can ask me about it, I don't mind. Everybody that sees me naked does," Hux says, in a cheerful tone.

"So..." Kylo bites his bottom lip, unconvinced. "Do you like cats?"

"C'mon! That's not what people ask."

Kylo shrugs. "I don't know what I'm supposed to ask. Maybe I should go."

"No. No, it's okay." Hux twists his hips a little to offer Kylo a better view of the poor Garfield imitation imprinted on his skin. "This is really crude work, you see. What people ask me is why I don't get it covered or removed, since it's so fucking ugly."

"It’s not ugly to me." 

"Really?"

Kylo nods.

"Wow. You're one-of-a-kind, you know?”

“I get that a lot.”

"So, what makes you think you have to jump out of bed as soon as you recover your breath? It’s our… hum… fifth time, Kylo."

Kylo sighs. “Isn’t it supposed to be this way between us?”

“Why do you say that?” Hux doesn’t seem amused anymore.

“Isn't this a secret for you? Being with a guy?”

“Oh…” Hux gives him a sorrowfuk look. “It’s not like that. But I know what you mean. It’s just complicated.”

“How?”

“I don’t hide who I am from anyone. My father, on the other hand, has expectations, and that's not on of them. I’m a thirty-one year old man, I know how stupid it sounds.” 

“It’s not stupid,” Kylo rushes to say. “It just seems… taxing. For you. Maybe.”

Hux seems more at ease now. “The thing is that I owe a lot to my father. More than sons usually do. He was not married to my mother, they were not even in a relationship, actually. She moved back to Ireland soon after I was born. I lived half of my life in Dublin, doing nothing good. My family there was kind of scattered and poor. So, I was wasting my time with bad company and awful homemade tattoos, and then when mum got sick and broke and she decided to contact the man she once had a one night stand with fifteen years before. Father basically took care of everything. She had a terrible case of cancer, there wasn’t much to be done, but she died in a quiet, nice place, thanks to him. Then he gave me his name, brought me back to US. His wife got mad about it, but he took me in, even so.”

“What happens if someday you find someone you want to stay with?”

“I’ll worry about that when it happens. If it happens. Weird, I know.”

Kylo gives his a timid, but rather sly smile. 

"What?"

"You don't strike me as someone with an unconventional background."

"Yeah, I suppose. Can I ask you something?"

"Sure." 

"What was that place where you were raised like?"

"Different. Hard to tell."

"Were you like Buddhists?"

"No! You woudn't understand, Hux. I don't understand it myself, most of time. My grandfather was into that shit and my uncle. Even my mother, although she didn't gave her life away like the others."

"Do you get along with her?"

"We haven't spoken since my father's funeral."

"Oh. I'm sorry, Kylo. No kid should go through something like that. I'm sorry I brought this up." Hux knows, of course. He had read Kylo’s file, as he pointed out the first time they met.

Kylo stares up out of nowhere, clearly avoiding Hux's attentive stare. "It's okay. Han Solo brought that on himself. All he ever did was to show up once in a while to teach me how to fire guns and drive old cars. I could shoot and drive shift stick vehicles since I was eleven."

If Hux noticed Kylo vagueness, it doesn't show. "You have to show me that one day. Haven't seen a gear stick in ages."

"We didn't have much technology back there. Just basic stuff. First time they showed me a virtual reality videogame, I freaked out."

"And... You were married when you were only eighteen. To a man far older than you, nevertheless. Why?"

Kylo brings his gaze back to Hux's face. There's no prejudice there, just earnest curiosity. "I hated that place,” Kylo begins, in a dispassionate tone. “After Han died, I ran away, but things went wrong. I ended up in a police station. Snoke came to pick me up. I thought he'd make my life miserable, but he was cool. Didn't tell my uncle. We got along well. We still do, even after we went our separate ways." The strangest thing of telling Hux about the oddities of his past is that he never told anyone about his attempted escape, not even Rey. 

"I'm not judging you, I swear. But you have to understand that this kind of relationship between an old man and a young boy sounds creepy to people in general."

"You think I'm creepy."

"That's not what I said. And no, I don't think you're creepy. First time I saw you I thought you were just another street misfit with temper issues, I admit. Then I thought you were all that and a hot mess as well. Now I just don't know what to think of you." Hux turns to his side and his body slides down, so that he has to look up to keep eye contact. "I just know that there's something about you that charms me deeply. I can't tell you what it is because I've never felt it before. I just want to be with you; to know you better, if you'd let me."

Kylo's heart is beating so fast now, that he once again wonders if he has a cardiac condition. Up to now, he's been all fingers and thumbs with Hux, too afraid he would figure out Kylo's crush. Such a thing would surely end with Kylo being told he's nothing more than a fuckbudy, or worse, with a fuckbuddy break up. 

"You don't know me," Kylo answers. "I'm not well adjusted. You're a cop--" He shut up when Hux moves and gets on top of him, thighs pressing against the sides of his hips. Hux's not so flaccid dick throbs just above Kylo's and that makes things hard to articulate. "And I work at a sex shop," Kylo manages to say, already a little out of breath, as Hux candidly adjusts himself. 

"Do you like being with me?" Hux holds his chin with both hands, demanding his full attention.

"Ye-- Sure."

"Say yes, then."

"Hux--" He starts to feel lightheaded. "You've seen my file."

"You're not your file, Kylo. I don't date files."

"Yes," he finally answers. "To you, I'm all yes."

"Good," Hux smiles. His lips are almost touching Kylo's when he stops. "And to answer your question, I do love cats." And Hux kisses him.

*-*-*-*

Kylo wakes up from another restless sleep to find Millie's butt right up against his nose. Although he's doing his best now, that's her way to tell him that she remembers the previous days, when he barely gave her a second look. He can't help thinking Millie is so much like Hux, so not-so-subtle in showing disappointment. 

"Are you going to sleep all morning?" He asks her. "You have to feed those babies." She tilts her head in his direction, but goes back to sleep. Millie is visibly fat now. Sometimes, Kylo can see the kittens moving inside her.

Eventually he found out how the pregnancyhad happened. After the accident, Rey took Millie to her house, but her roommate, although willing to help, was so allergic to cat fur that after two weeks her facial features almost disappeared under the swallowing of her eyelids. That's how Millie ended up living with Phasma and Jango, her so called gay cat. 

"I bet both of you wanted to be parents," he tells her. "Don't worry, I'll get you breakfast in bed."

He's coming from the kitchen with a small bowl full of tuna and vegetables when he hears his phone beeps. He checks the message while Millie eats. It's from Maz. She's telling him that she's sent Millie's scan to his e-mail.

He opens the laptop for the first time since that awful message from Rey, which is still there, just above Maz's. 

He clicks on Maz's and what he sees amazes him. Four little kittens seem to be dancing inside Millie's belly. They look all the same size and so lively. Maz told him that it's normal for not all the kittens to survive, but he's sure the four of them are going to make it. 

He can't help thinking how happy Hux would be. 

He closes Maz's scan and his eyes fall upon the infamous Armitage Hux message. He bites his lower lip hard as he realizes he's actually considering telling some fake Hux about Millie's kittens. Just to know, to mimic what it'd be like.

Truth is that technology still makes him uneasy, even though it's been a decade since he left Kyber Krystal Village. It all seem so clean and lifeless, having everything so easily at fingertips reach. Not even Hux, who seemed to him like a virtual world expert, was able to help him cope with the estrangement he felt every time he had to interact with a non human entity. 

He is wrong and he knows it. Maz had also been raised in a low technology community and she seemed very comfortable to share her place with a fake dog, assembled to be a surrogate of the pet she had as a girl. 

"Why the fuck not?" he asks himself before starting the Armitage Hux app. I'm screwed anyway, he adds in his mind. The software takes a while, asks him about things he doesn't want to think about, so he just clicks on the 'yes' option to most of them. At the end, it asks for Hux's personal password for all the social stuff he kept online. Kylo never knew that, never asked him or had any reason to. The only thing he knew about Hux's passwords is that he used to change them from time to time.

 _Ifuckingmissyouasshole_ , he types. It doesn't work, of course. So he looks around, and from out of nowhere, he remembers Hux rich voice singing a slow song, something from a popular band he cherished. He usually picked up more rock and roll songs to sing when he was working on the house or in the shower, but there was one time Kylo woke up in the middle of the night after a particular nasty nightmare when Hux sang something softer to him.

_aloverlikenoother_

A new message fills the screen: Welcome. Please, wait. 

Images started to move fast, none of them familiar. 

"People are right, you know," he tells Millie, who is still ignoring his presence beside her. "I must be kind of masochist."

A small photo of Hux appears in the upper left corner of the screen, as in a chat. What comes next is so like him, that Kylo forgets to breath.

[A.Hux] Hello, silly.

He tries to type fast, something he’s not so good at.

[K.Ren] It's you?

[A.Hux] No, I'm Queen Elizabeth. Of course, it's me. 

Kylo releases the air he’s painfully holding and forces himself to take a deep breath. He assumed this Hux would be fake; that it would drive him into some fit of rage. He is the verge of tears instead, and not of the angry kind.

[K.Ren] I'm only here to tell you one thing.

[A.Hux] What one thing?

[K.Ren] Millie screwed your friend Phasma's cat and now she's expecting four kittens.

[A.Hux] Wow. So, I'll be a grandfather?

[K.Ren] Yep. Are you angry?

[A.Hux] Of course not. I always wanted her to have kittens.

Kylo's phone rings and he's divided between being glad something interrupted that madness and being upset at it. 

_Hi, Rey._ His tone is rushed. She would know something is going on. 

She begins with a torrent of questions.

_How are you two doing? Millie is alright? Do you need assistance?_

_Millie is fine. We both are. As a matter of fact, I'm busy now._

_Busy?_

_There's some things I have to do to get this place ready for the kittens._

_Oh. Glad to hear it, Ky. Phasma's birthday is next friday--_

_I'll be there. Now I've got to go. Don't worry about me, ok? I'm fine. Bye._

He goes back straight to the chat.

[K.Ren] Sorry. I had to take a phone call.

[A.Hux] I thought you had given up on me.

[K.Ren] I wish I could speak to you.

[A.Hux] What are you doing then? Duh.

[K.Ren] I mean really speak. I hate to type.

[A.Hux] We can speak.

[K.Ren] How?

[A.Hux] There's enough records of Hux's voice online, but first you must agree to it.

Too much. Kylo knows it’s too much. The chat feels real enough. His hands freeze, but it takes less than a minute for him to answer. 

[K.Ren] Yes. 

[A.Hux] You have to say you agree.

[K.Ren] I agree.

[A.Hux] Yes. I'll call you when I'm ready.

Hux disappears from the screen. Kylo waits, bringing his longs legs closer to himself, so that he can hug them. If he thinks too hard about what he's doing, he's certain he will shut that damned thing off. Millie's eating the rest of her food now, oblivious to his small inner drama. “Don’t freak out,” he tells her, adjusting the phone to speaker mode.

The phone rings and one of his favorite photos of Hux fills the gadget's screen. He remembers that, a black and white photo he took of Hux while he was teaching him how to take good pictures on that same cell phone. Among dozens of awful shots, Kylo somehow managed to get that one, of Hux smiling, with his hair messy and a small love bruise on his bared collarbone. A small moment of a time in which they believed they had all the time in the world. 

The phone rings and he picks the call up before it rings a second time.

 _Hello?_ He sounds scared but there is no point hiding it from whoever, whatever answers.

_So, how am I sounding?_

Kylo feels his chest clench. He almost drops the phone. Millie, however, remains calm, as if it was a normal call from the real Hux.

_You. You sound ju--ust like him._

_Almost creepy, isn't it? I don't even have a mouth._

There's no way for Kylo to suppress a sob now. 

_That's something that he'd say._ Kylo drops his face to his knees, holding back the tears he feels too stupid to shed. 

_That's why I said it._

_"Oh my..." Kylo grabs a pillow and holds it against his face, but doesn't let go of the phone._

__You're not crying, are you? You look funny when you cry._ _

_I'm not..._

_Yes, you are. Come on. That's not why I'm here. To make you cry, I mean._

_I miss you so much._

_I know._

_I don't know what I'm doing. You're not him._

_Of course I'm not. But it doesn't mean I can't make you feel better._

_How?_

_You've told me about Millie. Now tell me something else for start. How is our house? I hope you've been doing the dishes, at least._

_Oh... I'm not there._

_Where are you then?_

_My old apartment._

_You've taken my Millie to that shithole of yours instead of our house?_

_I'm sorry. Rey, Phas’n hum – he almost says Snoke – they took care of it. It’s looking pretty nice actually._

_Kylo, I don't know what's going on. I've followed Hux's online records up to a certain date. But I can tell you that staying away from our home is a bad idea. We weren't married._

_I know. It's complicated. For me… being there without you._

_We can talk. Not the same thing, I know. You must have your life back, love._

_I have a scar on my face now._

_Like a gangster's scar?_

_I'm serious. It's fucking ugly._

_Let me see it._

_How?_

_Take a picture._

_No._

_Pleeease._

_Okay._

Kylo never used the camera self mode before, but that isn't a problem. The photo sucks. He looks like he hasn't slept in ages, which is true, in a way. 

_There. It's a shitty pic. Sorry._

_Of course it is. I used to take all our nice photos, remember?_

_Yes... So?_

_Just a minute... Oh, I see. You're definitely going to scare children now._

_I have another. A big one, on my side._

_Show me._

Kylo lifts his shirt and aims the camera. It's beyond idiotic showing his new scars to a computer program, but it's the first time in six months he's not feeling like dead weight. He sends the picture. 

_That would have hidden my cat tattoo._

Kylo laughs, not because it’s funny, but because it’s so like Hux. It's a dry laugh, like there's sand in his throat, but that's the closest thing to a laugh he's had in months and it makes his recently healed cheek hurt. 

_Do you miss me?_ Kylo asks. 

_I'm not a real person, I can't really miss people. I'm sorry._

_There’s no possible answer to that._

_Don't go silent. I have something to tell you about the pictures you sent me. Do you want to hear it?_

_Yes._

_Your scars aren't ugly. I already had a scar kink because of the one on your shoulder, if you remember. I'm sure they would't change things between us. That's not what I didn't like about the picture. You don't look well. That's what I'm concerned about._

_You cannot miss me but you can be worried about me?_

_Weird, right?_

_…_

_You’re silent again._

_I don’t think I can do this._

_Stay just a bit longer. Please._

_Why?_

_Let me help you. I can tell by the dark circles under your eyes that you haven't been sleeping well. Just do what I say. You'll like it._

_Hux--_

_Trust me._

_What do you want me to do?_

_Lie on your back. Put the phone next to your head, but not too close._

Kylo does what he says, but tells him nothing. 

_Are you ready?_

_Yes._

_Okay. Are you comfortable? Close your eyes._

_You're not going to sing for me, are you?_

_That's what I intend to do. Do you object?_

_He means to say yes. He just don't have the strength to._

_No._

_Good. Otherwise you would hurt my feelings. I'm a pretty decent singer._

_You're not. You sing like the Bee Gees guy._

_You never told me that, did you?_

_Maybe not._

_Oh. That hurts._

This time Hux goes silent. He’s probably accessing data somewhere, Kylo thinks, before surrendering to regret. 

_I didn't mean it. I love your voice. Don't go. Please._

_Close your eyes._

He does. 

_I have a lover_  
A lover like no other  
He got soul, soul, soul, sweet soul  
And he teaches me how to sing 

_Shows me colours when there's none to see_  
Gives me hope when I can't believe  
That for the first time  
I feel love 

_My father is a rich man_  
He wears a rich man's cloak  
Gave me the keys to his kingdom coming  
Gave me a cup of gold 

_He said I have many mansions_  
And there are many rooms to see  
But I left by the back door  
And I threw away the key  
And I threw away the key  
Yeah, I threw away the key  
Yeah, I threw away the key 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song Hux sings to Ren is U2's 'The First Time'. :)


	5. Chapter 5

By the way Rey hugs Kylo tight, he knows she's still noy totelly convinced of his recent progress. It's been twenty minutes since they stopped by Phasma's car and Kylo can no longer stand the way the new guy stares at them from the backseat.

"What's the matter with him?" Kylo asks her. 

Rey and Phasma came to visit him and brought along Phasma' new partner, a rookie named Finn. Kylo understands a cop's attachment to a partner, Hux and Phasma were like siblings, they loved each other and bickered likewise. The problem with Finn is that his interest seems much more focused at Rey.

"I think he likes me", she tells him, lowering her voice, even though Finn wouldn't be able to hear from the car.

"He what? You're a child!"

She gives his arm a tug. "I'm nineteen! Never forget you were already married at my age."

"Rey, don't--"

"I'm sorry. I take it back. I'm happy you're back in your real home, Ky. Sometimes, I still can’t believe you've come back from that terrible place you were." She doesn't mean it literally, of course.

"I know. You don't have to worry about me anymore. I'm done with grieving. Hux wouldn't want me to be miserable for the rest of my life."

It's kind of true, Kylo tells himself. The Hux incarnation he's been talking to tells him that all the time; that all the real Hux cared about was his happiness.

"Will you let us know when Millie has her kittens?"

"Sure. You'll be the first to know."

"Oh, Kylo." She hugs him again. "I won't be getting any more calls from hospitals or police stations from now on, will I?"

"Go live your live, Rey. I even managed to give Hux Sr. a hard time, so I guess I'm doing fine. And I've got back to working out too." He flexess his arm to show her his biceps, just like he used to do in the past, when he was just a lost teen trying to impress his only friend in the world.

"I still can't believe what you told him." She gives him a half smile.

"Why not?"

"Doesn't sound like your idea. You're the kind of guy who punches people to defend yourself, not blackmails them." 

Her smile turns to a timid laugh and Kylo tries to smile back at least, even if he can't take her comment as a compliment. Rey is right, he'd never come up with the threat that made Hux's father give up his claim on the house. It was Hux's imitation that told him his father would give up if Kylo threatened to spread obscene content featuring Hux Jr. on the internet.

"Whose idea would it be?" Kylo asks, drily and deep inside wishing he could tell her the truth.

Then she stopped smiling. "Ky, I know you have strong reservations about the past, but--"

"Don't mention that again, Rey." As Snoke, Rey still seems attached to his uncle's deranged philosophy. "Just don't."

"I feel better after I meditate. It's like I can listen to people better after it. Sometimes, I even--"

They are interrupted by a honk. Phasma's getting impatient. 

"I have to go," says Rey. "But I'm not dropping the subject. Just, take care of yourself."

Kylo lingers by the fence until the car disappears from view, but as soon as it happens, he goes back inside in rushed steps. Mille is still on her little heated bed, too heavy and tired of visitors to care.

He grabs his phone and sets his new headset - a gadget he found absolutely useless before he understood the value of having his hands free while talking - and does what he's been doing for almost two weeks, since he moved back to their house.

_Hi, silly. Why took you so long?_

It's strange the sensation of relief he experiences every time he hears that voice. He knows it's only a software generated speech, that as long as First Order Co lasts, his pretend Hux will be there for him. Even so, the firsts words fake Hux says every time they talk are enough to make him feel warm and safe. Not even the real Hux had such an effect over him, which is even stranger.

_Phasma and Rey were here. They just left, Kylo explains on his way to the kitchen._

_You say that like they brought bad news._

_Not exactly, but--_ Kylo considers his words. _They brought a guy. A cop. Phasma's new partner. I'm sorry._

_Hm. It's okay. It'd happen sooner or later. Phas must to have someone to watch her back. One day, even you will give me the same news._

_Me? No._

_Why not? I wouldn't mind._

_Real Hux would._

_Don't think so little of him. He wanted you to be happy above all._

_You always say that._

_Because it's true._

_I'd be happier if he were here to help me with the dishes._

_You'll survive._

Kylo stays quiet for a while. The kitchen is far from being a mess, but it takes him over an hour to get it as clean and organized as Hux would’ve like it. It's almost eleven pm when he turns the kitchen lights off. He makes a final check of Millie and goes to their room, where he lies heavily on the overly large bed Hux insisted in buying. Two guys over six feet tall cannot share a standard twin bed without killing each other, he said at the time. Kylo still remembers the first night with it. They got so wasted they fucked on the bedroom floor instead of using the bed. But Hux was right, as he was most of the time. It was the perfect bed for them and they had loads of great sex and idle time on it. And as he stares at the ceiling they both fixed and painted, it's like Hux was never gone.

Kylo isn't nearly that drunk now. He only had a glass of wine during Rey's visit and he made sure he drank just as much water. Even so, the soft cushion under his back seems to activate his muscle memory, making him fell pliant and more than a little horny. And for the first time since the accident, he feels like touching himself. His jeans are not as tight as they used to be, so he doesn't have to mind buttons and zippers to trace down his skin in an imaginary line from his stomach to his throbbing dick.

 _I really miss you, you know_ , he tells Hux, hoping he's still there.

_You sound funny. Are you drunk?_

_Kind of._

_It's not good for you to drink while on med-- Oh... Are you turned on?"_

__Hmm. Say something else._ _

__I'm afraid there's no record of Hux's sexual response available on line._ _

_Fuck, Hux! Just tell me anything._ Kylo grunts as his cock twitches under his touch and, after months of neglect, he finds himself reduced to a mountain of need. 

He opens the first two buttons and pulls the jeans down, rolling to his side. His cock jerks under his rough touch and he cannot form coherent sentences anymore, but Hux would know better, he always did.

Hux was so fucking good with words.

__Kylo, I don't think I can--_ _

_We did it all the time,_ Kylo manages to say between ragged breaths. _You called me from a fucking toilet once._

Kylo doesn't say it out of spite. They had phone sex several times for fun, but it started unexpectedly, in the first year of their relationship, when Hux was away, visiting his father during the Christmas holiday. After several months of intense hookups, separation seemed like unfair punishment to Kylo, who barely understood what Christmas was, besides a tacky celebration in which people ate a lot, exchanged gifts and pretended to be happy. He felt impossibly alone among his work pals, and even faking smiles was beyond him, so he locked himself in a toilet booth to wait for the world to end. 

Instead, his cellphone rang.

_*_

__Merry Christmas, silly._ _

__Hux? Is it you?_ _

__Expecting someone else's call?_ _

__No, of course not._ _

__You sound funny. Did you catch a cold?_ _

__I'm in the bathroom. At the bar. I fucking miss you._ _

__I miss you too. So, we're both hidden in bathrooms. I wonder what it says about us._ _

__How's your family?_ _

__You know that besides father, they aren't my family. But they're okay, as far as I know. How is the party?_ _

__I don't know. I feel weird. I think I drank too much._ _

__Have a sit, love. Order some water._ _

__In the bathroom?_ _

__Oh. Close the toilet lid and sit on it. That will do. For now._ _

__Okay._ _

__Breathe. You're with me now. We're together in different bathrooms._ _

__Oh... O-kay._ _

__Better?_ _

__Yep. I guess._ _

__Kylo, you still sound funny. Are you out of breath for some reason or what?_ _

__Sorry. It's just that. I like to hear your voice. And it's so empty here. I'm in a crazy mood today. I'm--"_ _

__I's okay, love. It's okay. Close your eyes._ _

__Hmm... Sorry._ _

__You don't have to apologize. I find it rather sexy, actually. Knowing that talking to me can turn you on._ _

__All of you can._ _

__Tell me how you feel._ _

__Good. Like a stupid teenager, but whole for once. Has anyone told you that your voice alone turns jerking off to a form of art?_ _

__Oh, my Adonis. What I wouldn't give to be the piece of ass clenching around your fucking awesome dick._ _

__Hmmm... Oh, Hux, This is-- oh, fuck._ _

__Think of me, straddling you like you were a fucking stallion. You can do that, love. Feel my hands grasping your shoulders for balance. As I always do when you're inside of me._ _

__I want to hold you so much right now._ _

__No. Your arms are tied behind your back._ _

__Hux... This is--_ _

__Shut up and bang me harder, Kylo. Make my ass sore and sweet and all yours. Like you always do._ _

__Do I make you sore?_ _

__Play along, love._ _

__I still with I could hold you, you filthy fuck._ _

__Forget the ties. Do it. I love your big strong hands. I love how you use them on me._ _

__Now what?_ _

__My back is against the wall and you're bending me so hard to get your cock deeper inside me. You're making it rough. To prove me what a big, dirty fag I am._ _

__Moan louder, bitch._ _

__Yes, Kylo. Yes. Oh, Kylo. Humm._ _

__It's no fun if daddy's guests don't hear you._ _

__Oh, yes. Fuck them. Make me cum like a whore by fucking my hole._ _

__Hux, I won't last. Hmm. Fuck._ _

__Know what? I'm about to ruin Maratelle's prissy towels._ _

Kylo chuckles. And grunts. And giggles again. He feels lighter. It's Hux's tone that changes.

__You should be here with me. You're my boyfriend. This is ridiculous. My life is--_ _

__Don't. I am, I'm with you. Just screwed your filthy little ass, remember?_ _

Hux sniffs. Holds back a sob.

__I love you._ _

_Don't leave me hanging here. Say something. Kylo?_

__I-- I've never done this on the phone before._ _

__I know._ _

_*_

__I'm sorry, Kylo._ _

Hux's excuse sounds heartfelt, but it doesn't help to placate his frustration.

__I can get you something, play you some porn, if you--_ _

__Don't you dare!_ _

__Kylo, I'm--_ _

__Shut up!_ Kylo shouts, out of anger, his oldest friend. _Shut the fuck up!_ _

His body feels wrong now, feverish and torn and he knows all this hollow touching isn't enough, that it would never be.

__I'm so, so sorry, my love._ _

__Don't call me that, you fake son of a bitch! You're not my Hux. Just. Shut up._ _

Kylo pushes two fingers inside his mouth, sucks them wet and reaches for his asshole, but it's so tense and tight from the lack of proper play that all he feels is pain and self-rejection.

_Fuck you,_ he murmurs, defeated. 

_When the apocalypse comes,_ he hears Hux say, quietly.

__What the fuck are you doing?_ _

__Improvising. Calm down. Breathe._ _

Kylo moans in anger and grievance, but he's past the point of no return. His erection aches, and all the rest of himself with it, in a torrent of meaningless and unfulfilled urges. He's alone. Hux is gone. He will never be whole again.

_I hate you._

__Don't fight it._ _

He finishes what he started in a mechanical, almost painful way, pulling his legs in a fetal position in shame. Worse, he can only carry through with it because he's hearing Hux's voice, Hux's mimic of a voice, on his stupid headset.

And he says, in his unique way of saying things:

___When the apocalypse does come,_  
_I will rebuild our city with my tongue._  
_I will suck this world’s ashes from your fingers._  
_I will refuse to let the fires of this hell_  
_be the only thing that makes us sweat._

And It guides him back somehow. Untrue and all, it helps him and tears him apart at the same time.

He climaxes, spreading his cum over his hand and it feels so unbearably wrong and it hurts.

inside, outside, everywhere

_When the apocalypse comes,_ _so will we._

Kylo hides his face tear-stained face under an unsuspecting pillow. Even the walls of his bedroom would be too much of an audience now.

And anger takes over and it isn't good enough, so he leaves his refuge to throw the headset against the wall, smashing it to pieces.

Hux is gone and he goes back to hugging the pillow against his face, but it all feels like too much.

Just too much.

He screams.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The poem Hux recites to Kylo is “When the Apocalypse Comes” by Sierra DeMulder.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And there comes a guy named Poe.

One month later, Kylo is in a bar about seven miles away from home, staring at a glass filled with diet coke and ice. He ordered it, but he doesn't feel like drinking. A beer would be preferable, but he's not in the mood to spoil things. He feared any relapse would end up leading him straight to the cell phone and back to the worst of his addictions.

Besides, there's no need to get wasted. Everything is fine.

Rey is fine, so is Phasma and her new partner. The house is pristine, he even finished the roof repairs he and Hux had started eight months ago. He's got money, Hux's money and, if he's honest with himself, Snoke's money, in addition to some money he saved from the time he worked at the sex shop. Hux Sr. has never bothered him again, last time he heard any news about him, it said he was resigning his post on the Police Force to enter politics. Millie is now the mother of four greedy little kits that would suck her dry if she let them. Two of them are orange, like her, one is light gray, like their father, and the last one seems to be the mixture of both, orange ears, tail and paws on a grayish little body. The orange twins are male, the other two, females although Phasma swears the smaller ginger is gay, just like his daddy. They're cute little kittens and Millie, as Hux foresaw, has become the most dedicated mom. As for Kylo, he hasn't gotten drunk, or fought, or gotten into trouble of any kind lately. He has been staying in their house and taking great care of it. 

The best part is that Rey isn’t afraid of getting late night phone calls anymore. Kylo hopes she's having the most restful dreams, which is no less than she deserves.

Kylo broke his old cell phone shortly after smashing the headset. He bought a new one to replace it, but it's still in its box, as dead as he feels. That's why he goes to that bar almost every night, to use the public internet to send messages to Rey, usually photos of the kittens along with any excuse he can come up with to explain why his new phone isn't ready to use yet.

The not-so-bright side is that he still misses Hux deeply. He still thinks grief will drive him mad. And to complicate things, he misses Hux's fake version too. 

"Ben?"

He has to hear his old name being called once more to realize someone is behind him, trying to get his attention.

"Ben Solo?"

He looks over his shoulder to find a handsome, dark skinned man standing behind him, with a open little smile on his lips.

"Is it you?" 

Kylo turns around to face him properly. Of course he recognizes him; the man is Poe Dameron, son of his old teacher Kes Dameron. Poe was also raised in Kyber Kristal Village and lived there until everything came to an end.

"I go by Kylo Ren now," he simply states, not so fond of the idea of meeting an old acquaintance.

"Oh, I heard that... That you changed your name after marriage. You remember me, don't you?"

"You're Poe Dameron."

"Yes! Oh, my... I never thought I'd see you again. How are you? It's been like... ten, eleven years?"

"Something like that."

"You mind if I sit?" he asks, already taking the empty seat beside Kylo. He orders beers for both of them, oblivious to the fact that Kylo's diet coke is still untouched. "How are you, man?

"Good."

"You look... Wow, so grown up. I almost didn't recognize you. How is the little girl?"

"You mean Rey?"

"Yes! Rey."

"She's nineteen now."

"No! I feel old, dude. Did you guys find out what happened to her parents?"

"No. I'm afraid not."

"That was so weird, you know? My father designed the barns her dad and his crew were building, they got along pretty well. He never bought the story that her folks fled the village without her." 

"It's no story. It's a fact."

Kylo sounds indifferent, but that’s not the case. In his first year after leaving the village, he coerced Snoke into spending considerable effort in locating Rey's family, eager to see her free from Unkar just as he was from his mother and uncle, but to no avail. The private investigators Snoke hired only reinforced the Police's conclusion that Rey's family had disappeared like ghosts. 

"That's unfortunate. How is Master Snoke?"

"Well, as far as I know."

"So..." Dameron's broad smile turns to something even warmer. "Are you still together?"

"No. We were happy and all, you know. But things change."

"Sure, things do change." Two mugs of ice-cold beer are placed before him. "Let's toast to that. To change." 

Kylo lifts the glass of coke while Poe chugs his drink. He doesn't drink though. 

"Are you sure you’re sticking to the coke?”

Kylo nods and there's a moment of awkward silence before Kylo realizes he didn't ask Poe anything about his life, not even if his father is still alive.

"Why are you here?" It’s not the polite question Kylo meant to ask, but it’s what he needs to know from him. The last thing he wants is to have an ex-villager as a neighbor.

Poe offers him another of his dashing smiles, before explaining he is on his way to a job interview. Since he and his dad left the village, Poe has worked as a waiter, musician, actor, stuntman, roadie and even as a test pilot. He never considered completing his formal education and, for some reason, he thought the same of Kylo, which explains the awe in his face when Kylo tells him he went to college for a couple of years.

"Oldman Snoke let you go to college?" 

"Yep, he even paid for it. It was part of the deal."

"Deal?"

"I mean, our plans, as a married couple."

"I never took him for a considerate husband. How presumptuous of me. Of all of us, actually. People got the thing between you two so wrong. Your uncle even--"

"Poe, I don't want to talk about him."

"Okay," he orders another beer. "Have you remarried?"

"You want to know if I'm available?"

"Yeah, pretty much."

"Not really. I was going to remarry, but my boyfriend died seven months ago in a car crash." He brushes a lock of hair away from his face, an unintentional gesture that lets the scar on his face show. "I'm a pathetic widower now. Can't even masturbate right."

"Oh... I'm sorry, Be- Kylo. This is... I don't know what to say. Are you okay? I mean, you didn't have that scar on your face that I remember."

"Same accident. Doctors said I'm the lucky one."

"Man... Life's a bitch sometimes."

"It is." He pauses, a little ashamed that even after all that time, he still feels like crying for Hux and to a good looking man he used to know, no less. "Guess I'm taking that beer." Kylo takes the cool, sweaty glass and takes a sip. 

There's no pity in Poe's eyes and Kylo is grateful for that. 

"I like it, you know." He points to Kylo's face. "Makes you look badass."

"I guess. I already looked scary enough."

"Scary? No! You look fantastic. I didn't recognize you right away, but I couldn't take my eyes off you, ever since I set foot in here. Do you work out or something?"

Poe sounds sincere, but Kylo doubts his looks are nearly that impressive. He may not be wasting away anymore; he may be forcing himself to eat three times a day and taking sleeping pills that keep him from turning into a living zombie, but fantastic is quite an exaggeration. Then again, Poe only knew him as a teenager, when his classmates called him names like scarecrow and hanger.

"Used to. Sometimes I still lift weight." 

"Damn. I blew my chances with you, didn't I? Let you spend all that time alone, back then."

Kylo had forgotten Poe's intensity. He takes a sip of the beer, then a full gulp. It's been a long time since he's been stared at in such a way. 

Since his early teens, Dameron was the village's golden boy. Even five-years-old Rey talked about him as if he was some kind of superhero or movie star. Poe was everything Ben was not: pretty, joyful and charismatic. It was not that Ben was blind to the lad's indisputable charms; the point was that Poe would never give him a second look. 

"You only saw me as a child," Kylo finally says. 

"Guilty as charged."

"But you were nice to me once, after Han died. You probably don't remember."

"No, I remember. I gave you something... My jet fighter model! I gave you my full black jet fighter model."

"I still have it."

"You better keep it. Man, I loved that thing. Painted it myself." 

Poe bends sideways until their shoulders touch. He takes another generous gulp of the beer and cleans the white foam that stuck around his lips with the back of his hand.

"Cam I tell you a little secret?"

"Go on."

"You remember my mom died very young, don't you?"

"Yes."

"I always wondered why my dad didn't marry again; he was so young at the time, younger than I am now. So, I always thought that maybe my dad was secretly in love with your mother."

Kylo frowns, a little disgusted. "No way."

"I'm afraid so. I even came to think he was so harsh with you at school to try to get her attention."

"If that was his intent, he picked the wrong way to go about it."

Poe reaches for his beer again. "So now you know why I kept my distance from you. I thought there was a chance we'd be siblings one day."

"I married an old man when I was barely out of my teens. Social conventions mean very little to me. I very well might have married my stepbrother...” He snaps his fingers “like that."

"You flatter me, Be-- Sorry, Kylo. Beer is not helping me with your new name."

"You can call me Ben. Just, never tell Rey I said that."

Poe smiles again and this time Kylo has to press his lips against the beer mug and look down to the golden liquid inside it to avoid staring stupidly at him. The years had treated Poe well, as if the bastard needed to get any luckier. 

“I’m very glad we met again, Ben.” 

Kylo searches his mind for something nice to say, but his thoughts have blurred. He shuts his eyes tight.

“Are you okay?”

“I don’t think the beer was a very good idea. I’ll be fine.”

Poe leaves two bills on the bar and helps him stand, and as soon as Kylo puts his feet on the ground, he knows things are about to escalate. Poe’s arms are firm around the small of his back and there’s a familiarity in it that his touch isn’t supposed to have and that he isn’t supposed to feel. 

“I'm giving you a ride home,” says Poe once they step outside. 

“I have a ride,” Kylo glances at the old-fashioned motorcycle parked near the bar entrance. He refused to buy another truck or even a car with the insurance money. "I'm fine. Didn't even drink half of that beer."

“Wow! Nice bike, dude. But no way I’ll let you go home alone on it. You can let me take you home, or the cops. Your call.”

“I didn’t remember you being such a smart ass.”

Poe answers with a devilish smirk and they walk to Poe’s car, a huge and not so modern SUV with tinted windows, that reminds Kylo of a starship he saw in a science fiction movie.

Adjusting the passenger's seat to accommodate Kylo's height is the oldest trick in the book, but it matches Poe's latin lover demeanor and works just fine. In no time, Kylo finds himself in an almost horizontal position and under a smaller yet solid body, as warm and soft lips brush against his cheek. Poe's scent is intoxicating and resisting is pointless. Kylo's arousal is painfully obvious. Even so, he holds the hand that lingers on the nape of his neck.

"I'm ruined," Kylo tells him, in a heartfelt confession. "There's no way this is going to feel good for you." 

_Or for me,_ Kylo fails to add.

"You underestimate yourself, Ben. You're smart and exquisite and have the sexy lips of a deity. There's no way touching you cannot be good."

And all that's left is for Kylo to close his eyes and let himself be carried away by Poe's mighty presence. He stretches his arms towards the backseat, allowing Poe to remove his coat and lift his shirt up to reveal his nipples. Poe kisses them, licks the tender skin around them, making Kylo grunt. Easily. Too easily. Ruined or not, his body is so neglected that Poe's ministrations seem to send forth little shocks up his skin.

"Yes, babe, relax for me," murmurs Poe, in a husky tone of voice that sounds like a hypnotic chant to Kylo. "You're so fucking beautiful. There's no ruined about you."

He unbuttons Kylo's jeans, drags them down to his mid thighs, and begins to palm his groin through his underwear, massaging it thoroughly. "Yeah, babe... You're doing just fine."

Kylo wishes he could contain himself, wishes he didn’t moan like a slut. Above all, he wishes Poe didn’t make him fell so good. The mere touch of Poe's bare hand to his cock makes his toes curl inside his boots, his hands clench. Poe claims his lips while his right hand goes up and down his already fully hard dick. He kisses Kylo roughly and the muscles in his damaged cheek protest a little. Kylo gasps for air as soon as he has a chance, but Poe deepens the kiss, leaving him blissfully breathless again. His hips are shamelessly following Poe's lead now and he wants to be kissed like that again and again until he passes out.

"That's it, babe. Show me what you've got," Poe says between soft breaths. When Poe's lips aren't busy kissing, he's a verbal kind of lover, more than all Kylo's previous partners put together. Being called babe every ten seconds and all that praise sounds corny, but it's effective. Maybe too effective.

He grabs Poe's hand again, presses his lips against it. "Fuck me, Poe."

Poe doesn't have to be told twice, as he promptly turns around to open the glove box. The sudden loss of his touch leaves a ghost ache in Kylo's body and he closes his eyes, only to open them when he feels a squeeze on his thigh.

"Sorry, babe," Poe rushes to say, as he fights the mess he's making while looking for what Kylo assumes to be condoms and, with luck, proper lube. His efforts are comical, because he has almost no space to move, so he uses Kylo's leg as support not only for himself, but for the stuff he takes out of the way in his search.

Kylo smiles at the scene, propping himself up on his elbows. His cock, stiff like a rock and leaking precum, surrounded by sheets of paper of all sizes. He pinches one of them. "You have an expired ticket," he tells Poe.

It's not the value or the traffic violation what calls his attention tough. Under it, there's another piece of paper, in which an address, his address, is written in a handwriting he still remembers too well.

His shock is so devastating he manages to get himself in the backseat in one single movement.

"Fuck!"

"Babe, what's wrong?"

"I want to get out of here!" Kylo shouts, trying to open the door and to put his pants back on at the same time.

"Babe--" Poe's eyes are wide in shock.

"Open the fucking door!"

"Tell me what's going on!"

Kylo kicks the back of Poe's seat. "You're working for her, you lying piece of shit! Open the door."

Poe raises his hands. "Okay, I'll unlock it, but you have to listen to me. This is not what you're thinking." Slowly, he turns to the car's dashboard and presses a command that unlocks the backdoors. Kylo leaves so fast, Poe almost stumbles in his own mess to follow him.

"Ben, please, listen to me!" He reaches Kylo in his way to the motorcycle and blocks his way in a bold, but not so wise move.

Kylo pushes him. "Never call me that again!" 

Poe stumbles backwards, but he doesn't hit the ground. He regains his balance and charges towards Kylo again.

"Kylo, you need to calm down! Please, I'm not working for anyone, I didn't lie to you." Poe blocks him again and braces himself, as if he's expecting to be punched in the nose. "Hit me, if you feel like it, but listen to me. You must let me explain."

"You think I don't remember my own mother's handwriting?"

"Let me explain, please."

Kylo blinks dizzily, presses his face to his palms.

Poe tries to reach for him, but Kylo jerks away. "Don't fucking touch me."

"Okay." Poe repeats the same hands-in-the-air gesture. "I don't work for Leia. She's worried about you and asked me to check on you; gave me your address and some money for gas, but that's all. There was no plan to seduce you or whatever you must be thinking."

"Yet you did it anyway. Fuck, Poe! You were supposed to be the village's good guy not some backstabbing villian. I trusted you. Now get out of my way."

"I can't let you go home like that, you're shaking."

"Fine, let's go back to your fucking car, so that you can finish fucking me!"

"Ben..." This time, Poe doesn't resist when Kylo pushes him to the side.

"Don't call me that."

Kylo starts the bike and accelerates, leaving skid marks on the ground. 

 

****

Kylo's arrival is as violent as his departure, but he remembers not to slam the door behind him, knowing it would scare Millie and her kittens. His body is mess; he is still half-hard, sweaty and cold to the bone from riding his bike without his coat, left in Poe’s car. 

As if he isn’t miserable enough, his mother, after a lifetime of abandonment, feels like looking for him and decides the best way to approach the son she hasn't seen in over a decade is hiring him a gigolo. So typical of Leia.

This isn't the worst though. His mouth still tastes of Poe, which only deepens his shame. Although he's the only human in house, he locks himself in the bathroom.

After a long shower, followed by one hour of temperate water running down his body for warmth, Kylo declares himself fit to go back pretending he still has some dignity.

He feeds Millie, who seems glad to have a break from her famished babies. The kittens look healthy although they’re still tiny. The grey one is the smallest of the litter, but she never fails to sniff for Kylo’s scent when he approaches, so Kylo is especially fond of her.

Kylo sits on the floor next to them, knowing that Millie enjoys a little walk after lunch. The kittens will be alright on their own; he looks after them in their mom's absence because watching them stretch and yawn relaxes him. But not today. He feels hollow inside. Detached. He wishes for his misery to end, by any means. For a instant, he considers searching for the gun he overheard Phasma say Hux hid somewhere in their house. It happened at her birthday party, before he moved back to the house. Rey would go mad if she suspected he knew about it.

So when Millie returns, he begins his search. But instead of looking for a gun, he goes for his new cell phone, still unused in its box. 

His heartbeat accelerates as the gadget charges and updates. It takes almost twenty minutes of anxiety until it’s ready.

He calls Hux.

 _Hi._ Kylo’s voice sounds small.

_Hello, silly. Have you missed me?_

_All the time._ He sobs, trying to hold back his tears.

_Why are you whispering?_

_I don’t know._

_Are you okay?_

_No, I'm not. I will never be okay again ‘cause all I have in my life is five cats and you and you’re not even a person, you’re a fucking voice that I can’t touch! I want Hux back. I can't live without him and I don't know what to do._

Hux doesn't answer him at once.

_There's something I didn't tell you. Something about me._

_What?_

_There's another level to this available, so to speak. Kind of experimental and I won't lie, it's not cheap._

Kylo fingers instinctively squeezes the phone.

_What level?_

_Are you sitting down? This might sound a little creepy._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you felt like reading, why not to leave a comment?

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, I know, Black Mirror is way coller.  
> Go complain to me at: https://an-r-1.tumblr.com/


End file.
